Napa Valley has long been a popular destination for weddings. People arrive from all over the world to say “I do” with our scenic landscapes as the backdrop. This past summer my husband and I were fortunate to enjoy our celebration here in the valley, and it couldn’t have been a more sentimental, loving, and all-around wonderful day. We were surrounded by all of our friends and family, the weather was perfect, and the delicious wine was a flowing. So, why did I find myself suffering through a depression afterward?
We had been warned it was normal to feel a bit blue after the fact. But, I honestly didn’t think that it would apply to me. I was ready to be done with checklists and details so we could move onto the next chapter of our lives together, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought. After a month of feeling down and out, I went online to research if there was any information to support me during this time. I felt comforted knowing there was information to help, and that one in ten women experience this. And it’s not just exclusive to the brides. Grooms are likely to feel it, too. However, usually it is the woman who takes on the brunt of the planning, and they are more likely to talk about their feelings more openly than a man.
The Crash – For many, weddings and other large events can bring up a lot of emotions. There can be issues that come up ranging from friendships to family to trying to settle all the details. For me, I found that I had been trying to make everyone else happy and this kind of ran me into the ground. So, once the adrenaline subsided, I crashed hard. Thankfully, I was able to discuss everything with my husband, and we supported each other. He has been very understanding and has made sure I knew that I wasn’t alone and had him to help.
The Empty Space – Even though a week before the wedding I would have given anything to not make another decision, I found the extra mind space a bit unnerving. This was especially difficult because I had cleared my client schedule for the month of the wedding, so I came home to lots of free time to live inside my head (which is dangerous because once you start to dwell, things can get ugly). So, try to keep yourself busy in the months that follow. Plan fun outings with your new partner or with friends. Give yourself something to look forward to.
The Crazy – I began to think that I was crazy. Here I have found a partner for my life. Someone who I could count on, love and believe in me. We had this fantastic experience of committing to each other, so what is my problem? Turns out, nothing. In a panic, I called one of my dear friends to admit I was a bad and crazy person. Thankfully, she confirmed that was not unusual. She has been married for many years and shared some stories whereby she questioned her feelings, and guess what? They are an awesome couple! She reminded me that new chapters such as this one are bound to spark feelings of discomfort. It means I am growing out of the familiar!
Connection – The greatest part about the whole experience was the opportunity to have so many people we love and care about show up for us. We were humbled by the amount of love shown as we began our journey together, and I have made sure to spend time with loved ones to openly share my feelings. This really helped me through the toughest patch.
It is different – Some people say they didn’t feel any different after getting married, and I totally respect that, but I did feel a difference. We are connected now in a way I have never been with another human being on the planet. The first 36 years of my life I had only experienced being a girlfriend and so, for me personally, being his wife has a deeper spiritual significance. NVL